matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
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