He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
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