Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
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