I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
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