Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
Randomize
