omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
