He is like the real live version of the state fair..
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
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