Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Randomize
