hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
Randomize
