dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
Randomize
