i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
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