I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
Randomize
