You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
Randomize
