How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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