i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
Randomize
