question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
Randomize
