Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
Randomize
