i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
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