i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
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He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
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Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
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