Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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