I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
Randomize
