roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
Randomize
