So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
Randomize
