weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
Randomize
