Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
you told grandpa to call you daddy
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
I just blew my weed a kiss
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
Randomize
