i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
I just heard a girl say "We can't go that way, it is a one way street." She was on foot...Nothing worse than girl from the midwest that move to NY to "live out their dream" -the dream of living in a rat and roach infested 200sqft for $2k a month, and get fucked by some recent Ithaca college frat grad...
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
Randomize
