You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
Randomize
