Oh man dude like 1000 to 1500 milligrams. Its gonna burn like bad though.
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
Randomize
