I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
Randomize
