i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
Randomize
