I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
Randomize
