What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
Randomize
