I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
What changed your mind?
Being sober
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
