yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
Randomize
