I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
Randomize
