I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
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