I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
I look excited, but its just a facade.
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
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