last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
you had me at cake vodka
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
Randomize
