We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
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