I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
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