dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
Randomize
