Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
Randomize
