Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
no. you can't hotbox the world.
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
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