My friends, they love my intelligence
Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
Randomize
