haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
Randomize
