just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
Randomize
