She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
Randomize
