just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
Randomize