I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
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