Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
He keeps bees of course he's weird
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
Randomize
