Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
Randomize
