Where are you?
In a non slutty way
mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
Randomize
