Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
New. Vanessa hudgens nude pics
That text made me feel like i signed up for some awesome celeb nude pic reminder
Also, on a completely related note, just came up with an awesome business plan. You in?
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
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