I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
Randomize