biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
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