I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
When did angry sex become our thing?
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
Randomize
