Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
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