she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
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