cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
Randomize
