He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize
