i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
Randomize
