What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
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