it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
Randomize
