Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
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