we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
What do you think she thinks of us?
I think she thinks we're whores... but ya I think she likes us
Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
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