Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
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