let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
Randomize
