well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
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