NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
stop calling my apartment porn island.
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
Randomize
