We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
Randomize
